


It's a Cape!

by EventHorizon



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, Kidlock, clothing or lack thereof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 10:17:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1424827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EventHorizon/pseuds/EventHorizon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is five years old, a genius and naked but for a sheet.  Mycroft hopes to remedy the naked part...</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Cape!

Mycroft knew that the obvious locations would produce no viable results, so started with less obvious locations instead.  The kitchen pantry… no.  The conservatory… also no.  The same for the gardener’s shed and the old stable.  It was not until he reached the laundry that Mycroft found his brother.  Naked.  Wearing a sheet tied around his neck.

      “Sherlock!  What in the world are you doing?  Put on some clothes!”

      “No.”

      “And may I ask why not?”

      “Clothes are boring.”

Were there any others in the world who had suffered this conversation? Mycroft suspected he was the only one in history who had been so blessed.

      “Nonetheless, you are required to wear them.”

      “Why?”

      “Because it is not proper to conduct one’s daily business in the nude.”

      “I have no interest in what is or is not proper.”

      “Would that all of our actions could be entirely based on the things in which we took an interest.”

      “They _can_ be, if you are not a stooge.”

      “Pardon me?”

      “A stooge.  A chump, flunky, lackey, fool, patsy, sap…”

      “Sherlock Holmes!  Where have you been learning such vulgar vocabulary?”

      “Mummy’s mystery books.”

Which would now be moved to the upper shelves in the library.

      “And I shall not be a stooge!”

      “Wearing clothes does not make one, as you say, a stooge.  Consider instead that the prudent choice of garment can present to others the image of yourself that you would like for them to see.”

      “You mean I can manipulate their perceptions with the proper choice of trousers.”

      “If that is your desire.”

      “Then they are stooges.”

      “Most people are.  Now, will you please clothe yourself?”

      “No.”

      “Why not?”

      “You are the only one here and I have no interest in your perceptions of me.”

Why did he have to have _this_ as a younger brother? Was there some sin in a past life for which he was currently be called to atone?

      “Accepted, however, you might wish to consider that the weather is rather inclement and clothing is quite an efficient means to secure protection against the chill and the rain.”

      “I have no plans to leave the house.”

Of course he didn’t.

      “Then consider basic cleanliness.  Wearing your garments, the remnants of the day’s events accumulate on the fabric rather than on your skin.  And you know, as do I, your lack of fondness for baths.  Imagine having to bathe several times a day to stay clean.”

      “However, given sufficient time, the combination of dirt and oils shall fashion its own level of protection against further soiling.  I should only have to brush away the newest accumulation.  And, this would have the further benefit of thermal insulation.”

      “You want to grow your own clothes?”

      “It _would_ be an interesting experiment.”

      “Sherlock, I am sorry, but you shall not experiment with the possibility of returning to your Neanderthal roots.  Now, let us go and find for you something appropriate to wear.”

      “No.”

Somewhere in the home there had to be a copy of the adoption papers for this insufferable hobgoblin.

      “Very well, let me approach this from a different direction.  You are refusing to wear clothes, yes?”

      “Yes.”

      “They why are you currently doing so?  It rather invalidates your objections.”

      “I am _not_ wearing clothes.”

      “Then define the bedsheet currently fastened around your neck by a very tidy knot.”

      “It is not clothes, it is a cape!”

      “A cape is a member of the clothing species.”

      “Clothing would have to fall at least at the level of family or even order if one is to follow the analogy of the biological hierarchy of classification.”

      “My mistake.  Now, address the issue properly and explain why I should respect your argument when you are so obviously invalidating it.”

      “A cape is not clothes!  One wears a cape in addition to clothes, over clothes, around clothes… but it is _not_ clothes!”

      “That description could as easily be applied to a coat.”

      “No.  Coats are fashioned on a pattern that expands on the basic concept of a shirt.  Therefore, it is clothes or at least clothes-by-proxy.”

There was no doubt in Mycroft’s mind as to why the help never seemed to be found in any location coincident with the placement of his brother.  It was time to forego the path of reason.

      “If you agree to return to your room and dress yourself, you may have a biscuit.”

      “Are they chocolate?”

      “I do not believe so.”

      “Then, no.”

      “Sherlock, please.  You cannot spend your day milling about the house naked but for a sheet!”

      “A cape!”

He is only five, Mycroft, and you are being bested by him.  What a proud day to document in your diary.

      “As you say, a cape.  Can you at least provide a credible reason as to why you are choosing to complete your lack of ensemble with a cape?”

      “I… this conversation is boring.”

      “Sherlock Holmes, that cannot be the best deflection you can muster.”

      “My reasons are of no consequence therefore an evaluation of them serves no purpose and will not add to my understanding of any aspect of useful information, procedures or behaviors.  Hence, boring.”

      “Why are you wearing a cape?’

      “Tedious.”

      “Why are you wearing a cape.”

      “Irrelevant.”

      “Why are you wearing a cape!”

      “…’s f’n.”

      “Pardon?”

      “I shall not repeat myself.”

      “You are wearing a cape because it is fun?”

      “What part of ‘not repeat myself’ did you fail to comprehend?”

He is only five, Mycroft… and sometimes you both forget that fact.

      “That is a fully acceptable reason.”

      “It… it is?”

      “And, if you like, we can find perhaps a more colorful bedsheet for you to use.  White does not really suit your pallor, brother dear.  Perhaps something blue or a nice green.”

      “Mummy’s are violet.”

      “That they are.  And I doubt she would notice if we borrowed one for the day.”

      “Then… that shall be acceptable.”

      “And you shall adorn yourself with a suitable outfit to complement your cape.”

      “No.”

      “Sherlock, we are marching to your room and finding for you some suitable clothes!”

      “Good luck with that.”

Even a five-year old hobgoblin was still a hobgoblin.

      “And why would I need luck to choose your attire?”

      “I don’t actually… that is to say… I hope you can hold your breath.”

      “Sherlock… where are your clothes?”

      “Did you know that neither color, fabric type, style, brand or manner of decoration is a factor in whether an item of clothing sinks in freshwater?”

      “Where.  Are.  Your.  Clothes?”

      “At the bottom of the lake.”

Of course they were.  At least they died for a good cause.

      “I assume you took notes to document your observations.”

      “Naturally!  They are in my research notebook.”

      “Then I shall make you a bargain.  I will abscond with one of Mummy’s sheets to provide for you a new and more flattering cape and we may then take time to examine your notes on your experiment.  However, you must agree to clothe yourself once I have a new wardrobe delivered for you to wear.”

      “I suppose that is acceptable.”

      “Excellent.  Then come along.”

      “First, we will visit the kitchen to obtain biscuits.”

      “They are still not chocolate.”

      “I shall endure.”


End file.
